Yildaz to you.
Sorry. Mr Yildaz.
Both candidates for the, uh, the US Presidency … uh … people say they’re, uh, bad people.
Both of ‘em, actually, and …
And I, well, uh, wanted to know what you think about Clinton and Trump.
I cannot comment on those people. But I can tell you for sure that I’m a bad person.
Have you ever met Donald Trump? I mean in the flesh.
No, but I once spent a week at the Trump Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City.
Had a great time there. Lost $200,000 but it was worth it.
You think he’ll win?
I do, yes. And when he’s elected, I’d like to find out if there’s a way for me to get my money back. Maybe I’ll apply for the Directorship of some arcane office in DC. I hear the pay’s pretty good. Or maybe I’ll become a political consultant.
What are your political views, sir?
I recently bought my own island … which is on its way to becoming a sovereign state.
I have elected myself Big Chief of the island and I do whatever I want.
My only concern is whether I’m comfortable or not. That’s my politics.
This sounds childish. Do your citizens call you a dictator or a benevolent king?
Well … I sleep a lot. So no one really calls me much of anything.
© Doze Yildaz, 2016